All No batteries Toys

Hair dye creme

Hair chalk was messy but hair dye creme sounds even more messy. The colours are better too. What’s not cool is the labelling… “present for girls”.

Hair dye chalk

Hair dye, that sounds messy. Chalk, that sounds messy too. I can only imagine that kids would think this is briliant fun and that their parents will hate it, especially when that dye gets rubbed into the carpets.

Noisy woodern ball xylophone

I’m trying to find toys that aren’t yet more plastic tat to eventually be thrown away. Wood is a lovely material and durable too, so kids will irritiale their parents endlessly with it.

Noisy woodern xylophone

I bet at an 18 month old absolutely leathering the crap out of a wood xylophone is brilliant. With two hammer and a happy lion face, this looks great.

Noisy woodern maracas

Why does wood seem like such an appropriate material of childrens toys? No idea, but these noisy, colourful maracas with a frog and lion on look brilliant and you can rest assured that there’s no batteries to stop that noice flowing for hours and hours.

Booms Bangs Fizzes Science Kit from John Adams

The description says it all here… “allows you to create a whole heap of noisy, messy, bubbling, fizzing, explosive experiments. Loads of fun learning about the science of why things explode, froth and make loud noises.

Galt Toys Horrible Science Blood, Bones and Body Bits

Yet more disguisting science which kids will love, their parents will hate and you can claim “but it’s so educational” with an innocent face, leaving them to deal with the mess.

Galt Toys Horrible Science Really Rotten Experiments

I loved my chemistry kit as child. They seem pretty tame these days, but I like all the ingrediants in this one (so long as you’re not in my house) including sand, slime powder, glue, green and red food colouring.

Galt Toys Horrible Science Really Rotten Experiments

Some children delight in the disgusting. Some of those children are well into their 30s and should know better. Just check out what this kit offers…

Disney Frozen Recorder

The recorder is without doubt the worst and terriblely noisy excuse for an instrument. The reviews are astounding. This might be the original bastard uncle present.

Glitter Spray Paint

This is not a drill, this is NOT A DRILL! Glitter + Spraypaint Yes, that’s right. When I started this site the perfect gift in my head was an airhorn full of glitter.

Cosoon Face Paint Crayons

With their fine point and retractable bodies these look like they’re easier to use and less messy, which is probably a good idea.

Snazaroo Rainbow Face Paint Palette

The original name in face paints and stage makeup, Snazaroo were founded in 1862 in Paris. This kit uses a palete and brush rather than the crayons.

Shackcom Face Paint and Crayon Kit

These can be used (with water) for painting on paper as well as faces.

Large Joyin Face Paints including metalic colours

Perfect for parties or a group with lots of great colours.

Glitter Slime Lab

I don’t understand why slime is so popular, but I certainly see the attraction (so long as it’s not in my house). Oh, and this one contains glitter!

Large Screaming Chicken

My favorite screaming plastic chicken is called Paul. He’s an irregular member of my favorite podcast. He’s irritating as all heck. I have no idea is this is Paul, but I bet he’s just as fun.

26-Inch Vuvuzela Stadium Horn

Since first gracing our screen and ears in 2010 the vuvuzela has remained the undoubted king of irritating noise making “toy”. No batteries requires. Good.